IMAGES of BUDDHIST MONKS AND NUNS in Yangon, Myanmar

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Theravada Buddhism in Myanmar. This is the religion or way of life for Monks and Nuns here in Myanmar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think the one thing which I will definately miss when I leave here is seeing the Monks and Nuns everyday… everywhere!

 

Early morning in Yangon young Buddhist Nuns  dressed in traditional pink robes humbly wander the streets carrying thier silver alms bowls collecting donations and food for the day.

 

 

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saffron draped washing clothes, protect thier shaved heads from the scortching hot burmese sun.

Nuns of Myanmar

Nuns of Myanmar

 

 

 

 

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Nuns walking the Streets of Yangon

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BUDDHIST MONKS AROUND YANGON

Facts I have learned about Buddhist Monks:

 

  • A MONK is the highest
  • Monks do not handle money
  • Monks renounce all worldly goods except 8 items ( 3 robes, a razor for shaving, a needle for sewing, a strainer to make sure they do not swallow ANY living thing, a belt and an alms bowl)
  • You should never touch a Monks robe
  • Monks  are the Buddhist equivalent of Priests
  • Monks only eat 2 small meals per day, one  in the early morning , which is usually a rice based porridge and  a second meal which is eaten at 12 noon.  After the noon meal they fast until the next morning
  • Every morning Monks walk around townships and city’  in single file lines collecting alms of food for the day. From  this collection of offerings from lay-people in their alms bowls during the morning  hours. After  several hours they return to the monastery. This food is shared among all at the monastery.  The lay-people earn merit by feeding the monks
  • Monks cannot handle the alms they are given, it must be placed directly into the alms bowl by the lay-person
  • Nuns only collect alms twice a month on Sunday
  • When collecting the alms in the early morning hours the Monks walk barefoot
  • Monks alms bowls are black lacquer and Nuns usually have silver or tin alms bowls
  • There can never be any contact between a monk and a woman
  • The only real difference between the nuns and monk is the color of their respective robes
  • There is no distinction between monks, all robes are the same saffron color despite seniority.
  • There is no such things as a life long vow, Monks are able to leave the monastery  whenever they like
  • young men in Myanmar are expected to spend some time in monastery during their adolescence as a way to accrue merit.
  • it is reported that more than a half a million monks live in Myanmar

AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS ALL THAT I KNOW…. SO FAR!!!!

 

 

 

 

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Novice Monks at Shwegadon Pagoda

 

 

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rainy season in Yangon

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Funny story….met this monk on a tour and after he asked me where I was from and I told him that I was from America… his next question was ” Do you know Edward Snowdan” ( really I cannot make this stuff up) Nope, your holiness I have not made the aquaintance of the American traitor!! lol

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novice monks worship at Shwedagon Pagoda

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Temples, Synagogues, and Catholic churches in the land of the buddhist

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St Johns Catholic Church – Yangon

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Catholic Cathedral-Yangon Myanmar

 

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Myanmar is said to be 95% Buddhist with sprinkling of other denominations scattered throughout the country.  A smidgen of Hindu, a speck of Christians, a spattering of Jews and the largely opposed

hindu temple-yangonminority of Muslims. Before arriving I knew of the religious uprising that was occurring in the Rhogina region in the northern states of Myanmar between the buddhist and the Muslims however I was not aware of the extreme separatism that exists here. In fact, I feel it my responsibility to share some of what I have learned about Buddhist during my time traveling through SE ASIA,  I think there lives a misconception that Buddhist are very “Zen”  and a peaceful brood. However, as I travel throughout some of these asian countries where the majority of people are buddhist I have become keenly aware of the rather unapologetic and in flexible views of buddhist. It appears to me that there is a widely unspoken understanding of Equal but Separate. I have been quite surprised with the amount of religious unrest that exist between the Muslim and the Buddhist particularly.  I have recently been made aware of  the 969 Movement which is a anti-islamic movement created by none other than BUDDHIST MONKS. The 969 movement is growing rampantly and a stark contrast to the preconceived ideals of buddhism, which according to most of us is a religion and lifestyle that is built on peace and pacifism.  Not so much here, Myanmar, where it is said that 90% of the world monks come from, it seems like an odd contradiction. Actually Ashin Wirathu- a buddhist monk  is the creator of this anti-muslim movement, he has been  nicknamed the “Burmese Bin Laden” .

The 969 number stands for three things: the 9 stands for the special attributes of Buddha, the founder of the religion; the 6 stands for attributes of his teachings of dharma; and finally, the last 9 stands for special characteristics or attributes of the clergy. Stickers and posters are everywhere . These openly racists icons warn Muslims away from  buddhist shop owner, taxis , and  restaurants but rest assured the muslims have a similar icon which warns buddhist from their establishments.

My Myanmar friend does a good job of explaining the intolerance as a way of preserving the history and culture of the Myanmar people from the immigrants from Bangladesh  and other Muslim nations. For her it comes not as form of racism but more from a sense of wanting to preserve her history and religion. She also goes on to explain that the Muslims here have long ago separated themselves from the rest of the people here in Myanmar and only now that the Buddhist are staging their own demonstration does it become a conflict. I think it is all very interesting, especially considering that most of us would believe that buddhist are mostly accepting but unfortunately I have witness more intolerance than acceptance.  ( so much for being ZEN)

The long and short of that sad little diatribe is that there is good and bad in all groups, religions and races. And just because a group would seem to be impervious to judgment, alienation and terroristic acts does not mean that there are some among them who harbor hate and intolerance!

Myanmar’s legislation will vote in the next coming weeks regarding a bill that strictly prohibits and  makes it illegal for individuals to marry outside of their region. There have been some speculation that this piece of legislation will be removed however that is largely unlikely  given the overall strong hold that the restrictive government still has on the citizens of Myanmar. This country may have just become open to the rest of the world in the last 3 years and the government may  appear to be “reorganized” to make opportunity and civil liberties  more accessible to its all of its citizens, I fear that there is still quite a bit of oppression and military-like control.  Please keep in mind this is just my view from where I sit;)

I know in America we feel like we haven’t gotten very far where race relations or religious freedoms  are concerned but each day that I spend witnessing the oppression and the extreme separatism that exist first hand,  I am grateful to live in the wonderful US of A,  with more religious , cultural, and civil liberties than most other countries in the world. To that I say ( everyone sing along with me) …… ” and I am proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free…”

 

 

 

Gardenia/lime garland offerings for the HINDU Gods at the Temple. Made of gardenia /lime/leavesofferings for the Hindu Gods

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Shri Kali Temple- Yangon

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Goddess Lakshmi means Good Luck to Hindus. The word ‘Lakshmi’ is derived from the Sanskrit word “Laksya”, meaning ‘aim’ or ‘goal’, and she is the goddess of wealth and prosperity, both material and spiritual. Lakshmi is the household goddess of most Hindu families, and a favorite of women. I wonder if this is the HINDU GODDESS who will bring me a fantastic fellow?? Either way I shall pray to her…. it  couldnt hurt. Lakshmi did I mention that I need him to be  attractive, kind,smart, funny and wealthy!! lol. Just thought if we are sending out prayers I ought to be as specific as possible right?? Anywy, here I gave a prayer to all the beautiful, amazing, funny, fearless and brave women I know!!

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hindu temple in yangon- located in the little part of yangon which is called little INDIA .

hindu temple in yangon- located in the little part of yangon which is called little INDIA .

Shri Kali Temple, Yangon Hindu TempleIt was built by Tamil migrants whilst Burma Province was part of British India. The temple is noted for its colorful architecture, especially its roof, which contains images and stone carvings of many Hindu gods.

Shri Kali Temple, Yangon
Hindu Temple. It was built by Tamil migrants while Burma Province was part of British India. The temple is noted for its colorful architecture, especially its roof, which contains images and stone carvings of many Hindu gods.

 

 

pigeons outside the temple.

pigeons outside the temple.

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Jewish Synagogue - yangon

Jewish Synagogue – yangon

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A Sterling Silver Torah Case.

 

 

vessels that hold the tora

The handwritten scrolls of the torah are stored in the holiest spot within a synagogue, the Aron Kodesh (“Holy Ark”), which is usually an ornate curtained-off cabinet or section of the synagogue built along the wall that most closely faces Jerusalem, the direction Jews face when praying.

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silver protective vessels for the torah scrolls

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lit a candle and said a prayer for a special friend (AG)

lit a candle and said a prayer for a special friend (AG)

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This temple is maintained by one man via donations and his life savings. There used to be more than 2000 Jewish people in the country of Myanmar currently there are 20 reported with 8 living in Yangon.

This temple is maintained by one man via donations and his life savings. There used to be more than 2000 Jewish people in the country of Myanmar currently there are 20 reported with 8 living in Yangon.

Dating from 1896, this is the only Jewish temple remaining in the city.

Dating from 1896, this is the only Jewish temple remaining in the city.

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This is the only Synagogue in  Yangon

This is the only Synagogue in Yangon. Only 8 Jews remain in the city, 20 in the entire country.

 

                                                               

 

 

 

 

      Shabat Shalom!!!

 

 

 

 

 

healthcare and history in the land that the world forgot-Myanmar

 

MINGALABA!!

This is the common greeting for friends and strangers in Myanmar. The direct translation is, ” it is a blessing” which has dual meaning for hello and goodbye. It also has a wonderful subtext as an offering of ‘ auspicious blessings”. What nicer way could there be to greet and part with someone, than by offering them a blessing.

Traveling to the other side of the world is no euphemism here… I  spent more than 25+ hours in air ravel, approximately 9,856 miles from my home in Atlanta, Georgia to Officially arrive in the Republic of the Union of Myanmar (formally the Republic of Burma). Logistically, it  has been quite the  undertaking to prepare for months gone from your home and outside of the country. Thankfully, I have a village preparing me for my time away, all who have conspired to help me be successful and given me the peace of mind that everything both professionally and personally is under-control while I am serving as a Global Health Fellow. To each and everyone of them… I am grateful!

It is both and honor and a privilege to have the opportunity to represent Pfizer as a Global Fellow and partner with PSI, all while being a first hand eye witness of a country introducing itself to the world and on the precipice of evolution and expansion. Myanmar is a country where access to the outside world had been all but criminalized for more than 4 decades. Trade, communication, innovation and medical advances had been halted for more than 50 years. The world marched on while the population of Myanmar was all but frozen in time. Imagine a country where Coca-Cola was considered contraband until just a few years ago, a place where they skipped right over the concept of black and white TV and were instantly catapulted into color tv, cable television, facebook and cell phones. A good majority of the population in the rural provinces still has little idea of the advancements the world has been making.

The military lead government (junta) was officially dissolved following a 2010 general election and a sparse civilian government was installed. Although the military retains enormous authority it has taken steps toward relinquishing control of the government back to the people. Myanmar is a country that is unquestionably on the verge of growth and modernization, the change in government constraints has allowed forward progress in the country’s foreign relations and has led the way for improvement in trade with Europe and the United States. The upcoming general election in 2015 will definitely be telling for the future of democracy in this country.

At this moment, Myanmar is one of Asia’s poorest countries. When the World Health Organization (WHO) ranked Myanmar against its global counterparts, the country was ranked last out of 190 countries with respect to what the WHO calls “overall health system performance.” %. Myanmar’s government spends the least percentage of its GDP on health care of any country in the world, it spend roughly 2% on healthcare; whereas impoverished Laos spends 4.5%, and Cambodia 5.6% of its GDP on healthcare.

The general state of health care in Myanmar (Burma) is poor. I recently read that Myanmar has barely 61 oncologists in the entire country and a meager 3 radiation machines in all of Yangon. Cardiovascular diagnostic capabilities barely exist anywhere in the country.

A bit of perspective on health care costs in Myanmar, currently it is mostly a private pay system. The average estimated patient’s out of pocket contribution accounts about 92 % of total health care expenses. Today, person in Myanmar needs medical attention, the vast majority will go to a private-pay clinic or monastery where for a small fee, they can receive very basic primary care services. If medicine is prescribed, the individual knows they will have to pay 100% of the costs out of pocket. The net of this is that today’s healthcare consumers in Myanmar are accustomed to taking nearly full responsibility for their individual healthcare costs.

Luckily for Myanmar, the demand for healthcare services, pharmaceutical products and medical innovations will go hand in hand with the economic development and increasing income of the Myanmar people. As Myanmar continues its economic growth, the demand for quality healthcare will undoubtedly increase, as will the demand for access to better more advanced procedures and treatment options.

I will be excited to learn more about this country , its customs, cultures and most importantly its people. As for now, I say to you…

MINGALABA!!

The land of the golden pagodas

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I started the week with a little sight seeing… First up Shewdagon Pagoda! The story goes like this, it is the largest pagoda in Myanmar and the oldest pagoda in the world, more than 2600 years old. It hold remains of all 4 Buddhas and even 8 strands of hair from the Lord Gautama Buddha dating back to 558 BC. These hairs were presented to the then king by 2 merchant brothers fIndia, upon their return to their home land Burma, who had received them from the Buddha himself .,It is said that when the King opened the coffin like case where the hair was stored and….

“There was a tumult among men and spirits … rays emitted by the Hairs penetrated up to the heavens above and down to hell … the blind beheld objects … the deaf heard sounds … the dumb spoke distinctly … the earth quaked … the winds of the ocean blew … Mount Meru shook … lightning flashed … gems rained down until they were knee deep … all trees of the Himalayas, though not in season, bore blossoms and fruit.”

This Shwedgagon Pagoda is pretty awe inspiring and for Buddhist of Myanmar, it is considered the holiest of sites. The Shwegadon Pagoda stands about 300 feet high and is gilded in more than 800 bars of solid gold. The tip of the stupa, far too high for the human eye to discern in any detail, is set with 5448 diamonds, 2317 rubies, sapphires, and other gems, 1065 golden bells and, at the very top, a single 76-carat diamond. It can be said that the Myanmar like a little bling. Surrounding the pagoda are a plentitude of smaller shrines housing pre-Buddhist spirits called Nats, miracle working images, and even a wish granting stone. The worshipers were everywhere… young … old… common people and oh so many monks. This pagoda is said to be the most sacred place for Buddist in all of Myanmar.  It is said, that all Myanmar have an  asspiration to make a religious pilgramige to the Shwedagon Pagoda at least once in thier lifetime.

It was all so glistening, golden and beautiful I didnt even mind that white marble , which had been absorbing the Myanmar penetrating sunrays all day  was searing the bottoms of my feet. I  rather ungracefully hopped from the very few shady spots I could find. It was like those Tom and Jerry cartoons where Tom is walking over the hot coals.  Now  for full disclosure, you are required to remove your shoes and socks before you enter the Pagoda, so even before you enter, on  ground floor at the elevator to the courtyard, up the two stories … NO SHOES OR SOCKS FOR ANYONE!!!  So maybe I am a self professed germ-a-phob, which probably stems from my  recent run in with toxic agents that stripped my immunity and my eyelashes. But somehow this was seemingly very unhygienic and against all things I am comfortable with.  I get it,  the SHWEDAGON PAGODA maybe  the most sacred of  ALL place for Buddhist but I was not loving the dirty-ness( so not a word) or the wretched stentch of B.O in my 42 second elevator ride.  I was sure I would contract west nile or MERS  or even possible catch another case of cancer!! Germ-a-phobs need not enter… your silly hand sanitizer is useless against the bacteria that looms here ( insert evil cackle here!)IMG_1348

SHWEDAGON PAGODA!!

SHWEDAGON PAGODA!!

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no metal scafolding needed we have bamboo and string??

no metal scafolding needed we have bamboo and string??

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I am a friday born person.so my animal is a guinea pig/hamster

I am a friday born person.so my animal is a guinea pig/hamster

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NO MORE CHEMO!!! CHEMO GRADUATE OFFICIALLY !!JUNE2012

So I made it!! one year of chemo in the books!! Another chapter of this hilarious journey closed. No more beeping infusion pump alarms, port access, poking, prodding , and a little less anxiety. I had become a solider in this war on cancer… every Tuesday I marched into the infusion center with my posse in tow ready for the next batch of toxic agents that would kill this cancer.  I would miss all these beautiful and supportive faces that had been woven into my existence and into the fibers of my new life. Each one of them had touched and changed my me personally during my most vulnerable time and while they were mere strangers in the beginning they grew to be part of my family.

Now, the side effects I would come to learn would worsen and linger. The  exhaustion, the waves of nausea, and OH the neuropathy in my legs and hands would be the most torturous,  almost debilitating. I had a hard time walking short distances or holding a pen,  the pain was maddening. I could  not get to it, I was unable to rub it away it, it literally was nerve-racking. As time progressed… eh almost 2 years later it was all getting better. Despite being done with the infusions I was still dealing with the lasting effects both physically and emotionally.  I would be excited for my hair and eyelashes and taste buds to grow back. Oh how I longed to be able to savor flavors again. Big and Small victories!

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the last drops of chemo

the last drops of chemo

PUMPED STOPPED!!

PUMPED STOPPED!!

last message on the bag!

last message on the bag!

Dr. Hahm and her chemo graduate

Dr. Hahm and her chemo graduate

these two!! always worried!

these two!! always worried!

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CHEMO GRADUATE!!

CHEMO GRADUATE!!

MARY ANNE!!! love her!!!

MARY ANNE!!! love her!!! Chemo mix-ologist!!!

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I came out of my self described “chemo suite” to share my final drops of chemo to what I had termed the “general population”.

my sweet shay!!! the bestest oncology nurse on earth!!!

my sweet shay!!! the bestest oncology nurse on earth!!!

chemo graduation celebration steak dinner!!

chemo graduation celebration steak dinner!!

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FORGET YOUR PINK RIBBON THIS IS WHAT BREAST CANCER REALY LOOKS LIKE

no you dont

Up until this moment I already had had 2 surgeries: One for my port placement and one for my lumpectomy. I unconventionally had a lumpectomy prior to my mastectomy to see if my tumor was responding to chemotherapy. Good news was that I wasnt going to have a third type of chemo Adriamycin® (doxorubicin). I would continue on with my remaining infusions of  Taxol for a few more weeks and then Herceptin until next year.

Dec 2, 2011 The morning of my mastectomy is hard to remember. I do not recall being overly nervous. I knew the moment I was diagnosed I was going to have a bilateral mastectomy.  It was One of the few things I could  control with this diagnosis and I was confident that it would be the right choice for me.  I wanted the cancer gone. Some of my physicians thought lumpectomy with radiation would be a better option for me given how young I was  and for esthetic reasons but I couldn’t stand NOT  doing as much as I possible could do to get this cancer gone. The even better news I would later get was when the pathology came back from the mastectomy that a second cancer in a different location had been identified and removed thanks in part to my decision to have my breast amputated. I know that sounds harsh but its what happened, mastectomy just makes it sound less barbaric but  truly it’s not.

I had a  Nipple Sparing Latissimus Dorsi Mastectomy with reconstruction. Latissimus dorsi (LD) flap is a type of breast reconstruction surgery. It uses muscle and skin from the upper back that is pulled under the skin to the chest area.  Your latissimus dorsi muscle is located in your back, just below your shoulder and behind your armpit. An oval flap of skin, fat, muscle, and blood vessels from your upper back are used to reconstruct the breast in a latissimus dorsi flap procedure. This flap is moved under your skin around to your chest to rebuild your breast.  The blood vessels (artery and vein) of the flap are left attached to their original blood supply in your back.  This procedure would offer me a better support for the implant that would take the place of my breast tissue.

The nipple sparing component of this surgery would be the only real unknown at the time of my surgery. Both my surgeons warned me that it was a real possibility that I would not be a candidate for this. They would have to see the proximity of the tumor to my areola and subcutaneous nipple tissue.  During surgery , with the assistance of a new technology my breast surgeon would do on-site pathology of the nipple tissue to see if there was any infiltration of cancer or atypical cells. Thankfully there was not and I retained my girl bits! I would have tissue expanders in place  during  surgery in place of  where my breast had once been.  The technique for breast reconstruction uses a flat expandable prosthesis called a Tissue Expander,  which was placed beneath my pectoralis major muscle during the mastectomy, this procedure would be part of the “reconstruction process”.  These Tissue Expander’s would be slowly  and painfully inflated over  the next  few months, and then I would go back into surgery where my permanent implants would be placed. These tissue expanders would stretch the pectoralis muscle and skin in preparation for the new implants. That part would be yet another surgery!!!

Pre-Op

Pre-Op for Bilateral mastectomy

preop panic

preop panic

thomas

Thomas

mom

mom

dad

dad

amandamy sister-in-law Amanda

I remember walking up from my surgery: The hospital room was dark, hadn’t it been morning when I went in? Yes but that was 9 hours ago. Yes 9 hours of surgery. Imagine if you will being in surgery for that long…. ???? That requires no further comment.

View from my hospital room at Kennestone Women Center. I was told there was a full moon on the night of my surgery.  Night 1 post mastectomy

View from my hospital room at Kennestone Women Center. I was told there was a full moon on the night of my surgery. Night 1 post mastectomy

So my first moments of consciousness where confusing, hopeless and painful. So painful I have a distinct memory of asking God why he was making me suffer so much. I asked… no I prayed that he would just take me at that moment… I told him I was ready to go. The pain in my chest, down my back was excruciating I felt like I had been ripped apart. Please God, I am ready,  take me away, make this pain stop…. please I surrender,  that is what I prayed.  I looked around my hazy fog, I  had tubes everywhere, I had no strength, very little will, and sadly could not even  sit up by myself. I was sliding down and I prayed again please take me away and make it stop. The pain was indescribable.

Later I would be made better through the power of pharmaceuticals… Yes my new best friend was my morphine pump! Crank her up and let it ride!!

I think the reason survivors of breast cancer and surgeons don’t  really talk about the post op part of the mastectomy is because it’s so incredibly painful to relive and gruesome to describe. There is nothing pretty or pink about this part of breast cancer… remember that!!

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Check out my busted lip: That is thanks to my anesthesiologist it happened when they flipped me on  my stomach in surgery to do the surgery on  my back.
POST -OP Day2

POST -OP Day2

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POST MASTECTOMY- DAY3 IN HOSPITAL

I was so drugged up I kept getting angry with my surgeons wondering why they hadn’t stopped by to check on me… Oh really what do you say, they have been by twice…. hmm that I did not recall. I will quit my b*tch’n now. Dont mess with me I’m medicated!

Nothing says you look like you could use a prayer more than a morning visit from the hospital clergy. My friends Maureen and Travis had a little holy communion and prayer. uh oh the big G-O-D must have gotten word and sent his troops. Faith restored

FIrst walk Day2

FIrst walk WITH THOMAS AND DAD
Day2:POST MASTECTOMY

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FIRST WALK POST MASTECTOMY:
LONGEST 2 LAPS IN MY LIFE! HORRIBLE! THANK GOD MY ANGEL (THOMAS) HELPED ME MAKE IT THROUGH

photo copyI was discharged from the hospital 5 days later. I went home busted and bandaged. I spent the next  several weeks in terrible pain, horrible back spasm, no upper body strength  and the inability to do anything by myself.  Thank God for my brother, dad and especially my angel… My MOM!!!

So when I left the hospital I carried around what I affectionately termed ‘my grenades’. Which were really the drain tubes for my mastectomy which were vessel for the accumulated fluid and blood monkeys in my incisions. I lost one 3 weeks after surgery but my other 3 pets stayed around for a few months. They became like pets, they are literally stitched into your skin and the tubes traveled to my back incisions and to my breast incisions. The tubes are long but time afer time I would catch these dam things getting dressed or moving about. The funny thing was that you had to “strip the tubes” . It  is a process that required you pinch the accumulated gunk in the long tubes and pushed it into the little grenades.  This became a favorite pastime with my sister-in-law, brother and mom.

These little suckers where hard to conceal, so big hoodies and jackets with inside pockets that held my post surgery paraphernalia was essential.  I already had a bald head there was no sense in attracting anymore attention to myself with these tubes coming out of everywhere.

my hand grenades aka my drain tubes

my hand grenades aka my drain tubes

Reconstruction part 2: March 2012: Happy Birthday to ME!

reconstuction

reconstruction

During this surgery I would have the painful and nuisance expanders  removed and my new silicon breast would be implanted by my amazing plastic surgeon  Dr. Fabian. I could not wait I was one step closer to all the kings horses and all the kings men putting Kimberly back together again!

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December 22, 2012: How do you start the new year 2013… Oh yeah recovering from yet another surgery

I had issues with the implant and skin thinning. Dr. Fabian went back in to place Alloderm to support the breast implant where the skin was thinning.  He also had to loosen up the latissimus muscles which because of muscle memory were trying to migrate  their way back to their  comfy home in my back. Seems weird but the body is an amazing thing.

Alloderm is a collagen matrix that is acellular in nature. That is to say, it is cadaver skin that has had all the cells taken out of it, and just leaves the collagen behind. It is like having a shell of a building there, without all the walls, furniture, and people living inside. This makes it easy for your own body to incorporate your own blood vessels and tissue into the Alloderm.

Reconstruction Part #3

can we talk about how much I love this equipment called Bear Claw. It was a hospital gown and  had a hose attached that pumped warm air into you gown. Oh happy day! Can I get one of these for home!!          Reconstruction Part #3

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My lucky socks! These socks  illegally accompanied me into  every OR!!! Good luck Contraband!!

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HAIR TODAY… GONE TOMORROW

THESE ARE PICTURES OF THE EVOLUTION OF HAIR LOSS.  NOW, I DO NOT WANT TO DISMISS THE COLD CAPS. THEY WORKED FOR THE FIRST ROUNDS OF CARBOPLATIN AND TAXOTERE AND I THOUGHT I WOULD BE ABLE TO SAVE SOME OF IT. HOWEVER WHEN MY LIVER ENZYMES STARTED TO ESCALATE OUT OF NORMAL RANGE DR HAHM GREW CONCERNED AND SWITCHED MY CHEMO TO TAXOL FOR 18 WEEKS  STRAIGHT INSTEAD OF THE ONCE EVERY 3 WEEKS OF THE COCKTAIL OF THC (TAXOTERE/HERCEPTIN/CARBOPLATIN),( YEAH NOT THE THC YOU WERE THINKING). AT THAT POINT COLD CAPS WERE NOT A FEASIBLE OPTION ANY LONGER AND I HAD TO COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT DESPITE MY BEST EFFORTS I WAS GOING TO LOSE ALL OF MY HAIR. I HAD ALREADY LOST MY EYEBROWS, EYELASHES  AND ALL THE HAIR EVERYWHERE ELSE ON MY BODY.. I WAS LIKE A HAIRLESS CAT. BUT LOSING THE HAIR ON MY HEAD WOULD BE DIFFICULT BECAUSE UP UNTIL THEN I HAD KEPT A DECENT AMOUNT OF HAIR AND I HAD HID MY DIAGNOSIS FROM A LOT OF PEOPLE.  WITH NO HAIR, THEN PEOPLE.. WELL ….EVERYONE WOULD KNOW I WAS SICK.

THIS WAS A PICTURE THE MORNING OF MY FIRST CHEMO!!

all this will be gone soon...

all this will be gone soon.. first moments after my brother shaved my head

AFTER: first moments after my brother shaved my head
ONE OF THE MANY UNPLEASANT SIDE EFFECTS OF CHEMO

ONE OF THE MANY UNPLEASANT SIDE EFFECTS OF CHEMO

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FIRST STEP TOWARD HAIR LOSS. FIGHTING IT ALL THE WAY FIRST STEP TOWARD HAIR LOSS. FIGHTING IT ALL THE WAY

WHAT YOU MAY NOT BE AWARE OF IS HOW PAINFUL IT WAS TO LOOSE MY HAIR AND I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL SIDE. I AM TALKING ABOUT THE PURE PHYSIOLOGICAL SIDE OF CHEMO INDUCED HAIR LOSS. MY SCALP HURT TO THE PHYSICAL TOUCH AND WHEN I WOULD RUN MY FINGERS THROUGH MY HAIR AND THE STRANDS WOULD FALL OUT IT FELT  LIKE A RELIEF OF SORTS, THE FOLLICLES WERE ALSO LETTING GO OF WHAT THEY COULD NO LONGER CONTROL.  I SWEAR THOSE DARN FOLLICLES WERE HOLDING ON WITH ALL THEIR MIGHT AND FIGHTING THE RAVENOUS  EMINENT DEATH THAT CHEMO WOULD BESTOW ON EACH AN EVERYONE OF THEM. BUT SOON THEY ALL SURRENDERED.

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STILL HOLDING ON TO THE FOLLICLES

STILL HOLDING ON TO THE FOLLICLES

BELOW YOU WILL SEE THE WIG IN MY LAP. I CALLED HER MATILDA. I PURCHASED HER WITH MY MOM AND GODDAUGHTER ISABELLA,MONTHS BEFORE THIS PIC AT ONE OF THOSE GINORMOUS KOREAN BEAUTY SUPPLY STORES.   VICKI , MY HAIRDRESSER STYLED AND CUT IT FOR ME TO MAKE  HER APPEAR MORE NATURAL. I THOUGHT I WOULD SHOW HER TO THE WORLD SOME DAY AFTER I HAD LOST  MY HAIR. BUT INSTEAD I ROCK’D THE BALD HEAD WITH ONLY A HAT TO HIDE IT MOST DAYS. FOR ME WEARING THE WIG WOULD HAVE ONLY BEEN A DISGUISZE , A WAY TO MAKE EVERYONE ELSE MORE COMFORTABLE WITH MY CANCER AND I DID NOT WANT TO FEEL ASHAMED OF WHAT CHEMO WAS DOING TO ME. I WAS FRUSTRATED AND PROUD AT THE SAME TIME OF MY CHEMO INDUCED BALD HEAD AND I WASNT OK..  AND FAR BE IT FOR ME TO DEPRIVE PEOPLE OF THE REALITY OF CANCER AND MAKE THEM MORE COMFORTABLE WITH WHAT WAS  HAPPENING TO ME! YUP NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

VICKI CUT OFF ALL THE LOCKS AND TRIED TO CREATE A STYLE WITH THE LITTLE AMOUNT OF HAIR I HAD LEFT

VICKI CUT OFF ALL THE LOCKS AND TRIED TO CREATE A STYLE WITH THE LITTLE AMOUNT OF HAIR I HAD LEFT

I HAD REMAINED WORKING THROUGH MOST OF MY CHEMO AND ON THIS PARTICULAR FALL DAY I WAS DRIVING WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN HEADING TO AN OFFICE AND I REACHED UP TO RUN MY FINGERS THRU MY HAIR AND WHEN I PULLED MY HAND AWAY IN MY HAND WAS A BIG CHUNK OF THE LITTLE HAIR THAT I HAD PAINSTAKINGLY TRIED TO PRESERVE. I REMEMBER FREAKING OUR AND THROWING IT OUT THE WINDOW. LITTLE LIFELESS STRANDS HELD ON TO MY FINGERS AS IF NOT WANTING TO LET GO…AND AT THAT MOMENT I CALLED MY BROTHER AND TOLD HIM TO COME OVER THAT NIGHT SO THAT HE COULD SHAVE MY HEAD. SO AFTER A COUPLE OF GLASSES OF APOTHIC RED … MY MOM, MY FRIEND KIM MILLER AND MY PSEUDO BARBER TOGETHER WE TACKLED YET ANOTHER RITE OF PASSAGE IN THE CANCER JOURNEY.  OFF WITH HER HAIR!!!

IMG_1471I WAS SO SILLY, I TOLD THOMAS TO USE THE GUARDS AND CUT IT  OFF IN STAGES, ALL WHILE THINKING THAT I COULD TRY FOR A SHORTER CLOSE CUT  BUT NOT SHAVED HEAD.  HE AGREED BUT IT WAS OF NO USE BECAUSE AS HE DID IT MY BALD SPOTS WOULD BECOME MORE VISIBLE AND I LOOKED LIKE A RABID HYENA.  SO RELUCTANTLY AND WITH TEARS IN MY EYES  AND PAIN IN MY HEART, I HAD TO SUCCUMB TO THE IDEA THAT ALL OF IT HAD TO GO… AND SO HE DID IT! THIS DISEASE WOULD ROB ME OF SO MANY THINGS THAT DEFINED MY FEMINITY, MY EYELASHES, MY FINGERNAILS (BC OF CHEMO) MY BREAST, AND NOW MY HAIR.

I KNOW IT HAD TO BE EQUALLY HARD FOR MY BROTHER AND I COULDNT HAVE DONE IT WITH OUT HIM!! THANKS THOMAS!

THOMAS SHAVING MY HEAD

THOMAS SHAVING MY HEAD

THIS WAS SO HARD AND SAD

THIS WAS SO HARD AND SAD

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THOMAS GOING BALD IN SOLIDARITY

THOMAS GOING BALD IN SOLIDARITY

IMG_1504ME AND MY BRO! I WAS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED THAT I DIDNT HAVE A BIG OL COTTO BLOCK HEAD UNDER ALL THAT HAIR.

A FEW TEARS LATER… WE LOOK DARN GOOD!! LOL

KIMMIE COMING OVER TO SUPPORT ME WHILE I GET MY HEAD SHAVED

KIMMIE COMING OVER TO SUPPORT ME WHILE I GET MY HEAD SHAVED

IMG_1514COULDNT CONVINCE MOM TO SHED HER LOCKS.  THOMAS AND I GAVE HER A HARD TIME BUT I UNDERSTOOD.

DAD WANTED A BALD HEAD TOO!!

DAD WANTED A BALD HEAD TOO!!

IMG_1033BALD IS BEAUTIFUL!! DANG DONT WE LOOK ALIKE????

First Day Of Poison eh hm.. I mean Chemo 6/21/11

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Four days after Vascular Surgry let the party begin…Nah Not really!

I would be scheduled to get 4 rounds of Carboplatin and Taxotere combined with one year of HERCEPTIN. Yes I said ONE YEAR of infusions with Herceptin.  Herceptin is a life saving mon-clonial antibody that targeted my aggressive form of HER2+ breast cancer.  My cancer cells were replicating fast and furiously and they needed to be STOPPED! Only I would need a year of this infusion to kill every last one of them!!! I would get infusions of the Carboplatin and Taxotere once every 3 weeks but I would have Herceptin every week  for a year. Have I said I HATE CANCER!!! Grrrrr!

I was blessed to get the most amazing Oncology Nurse ever created Shamichael!!  From my first day of Chemotherapy orientation, no seriously you have to complete it before you begin .Good times right? Unfortunately, I hate to admit it but  I had a horrible attitude that afternoon during my orientation  but Shay was not phased in the slightest. She was positive, encouraging, hopeful and oh so happy. It was hard to resist her positivity. She is truly an angel sent here on earth to help guide me and my family through the hardest and most frightening time of my life.So  with a better attitude than when I arrived we parted ways only to see her again in a few days to begin this portion of the journey.

I was so incredibly nerveous this day.. what would it  feel like? how would it make me feel? how sick was this going to make me?would the cold caps save my hair and MOST importantly would it WORK????? WOULD THIS KILL MY CANCER and not me in the process??

First DAY of Chemo

the first day of chemo my crew is ready

the first day of chemo my crew is ready

Penguin Cold Caps

The adventures of the cold caps: Please let them work and pretty please help me not lose my hair from CHEMO!!! PLEASE GOD PLEASE!!

I invested several of  thousand of  dollars  not covered by my insurance to save my follicles. I had so little that I was able to control in this disease I thought I might manage a sliver of control by using this technique which had proven to save your hair during chemo.  Losing my hair was going to be hard and i was going to try with every ounce of my being to prevent that from happening. I knew there was a chance that it would not work but  I was definitely going to try…

Heres how it works:Penguin Cold Caps

This innovative  approach reduces chemotherapy induced  hair loss by cooling the hair capillaries and reducing the metabolic rate of the hair follicles to a hibernated state, preventing the absorption of chemotherapeutic drugs into the hair bulbs of the scalp.

Penguin Cold Caps: The "A" team

Penguin Cold Caps: The “A” team. MOM DAD AND THOMAS

Life saving Poison and a literal brain freeze!BURRR

Life saving Poison and a literal brain freeze!BURRR

Cold Cap Round !

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Thomas keeping meticulous tabs of the temperature of the cold caps.saving the follicles

NOW INTRODUCING… THIS CANCER SURVIVOR’S MEDICAL POSSE

LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO MY MEDICAL POSSE AND FAVORITE PLACES

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ONCOLOGIST EXTRAORDINARE: DR. HILARY HAHM  hahm_picIMG_1169IMG_2946IMG_3415

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SHAY!!!! MY ONCOLGY NURSE AND ANGEL ON EARTH

My Chi-town Sister: MARY ANNE aka Da Bomb Chemo-Mixologist.

My Chi-town Sister: MARY ANNE aka Da Bomb Chemo-Mixologist.

ALL THE PRETTY LADIES OF NW GA ONCOLOGY: NURSES AND PHARMACISTS

ALL THE PRETTY LADIES OF NW GA ONCOLOGY: NURSES AND PHARMACISTS

DR. FABIAN-

DR. FABIAN- Plasic Surgeon

DR. FINE-BREAST SURGEON

DR. FINE-BREAST SURGEON